Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm So Messed Up

Ok, so I am normally very conflicted on the inside, and I was just about to explode earlier today, and in order to release that energy, I wrote a poem, and then a length of free writing which I thought I'd reformat into a poem, but I'm not so sure. I think I like it as a form of venting; but I think it'll be more versatile and acceptable as a poem, so I don't know...

I started second-guessing my decision to put it out here on the 'net; but at first I really didn't care...what's the damage, anyway?

"What you put on the internet
you can never take back
But I don't care
I'm not talking about killing Presidents
And I really am this angry
Sometimes."

Yeah; but I am not sure how I'd get it on here; I'd put it under "Narratives" or I could just post it. Or link to it. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Here's the first poem:

"Inside of Me" by TrinnBloom ©2011

Inside of me
There is a
Monster who rages
And wants to play
I want
To release it
Let it rampage through the world
But the stupid shackles of society
Stop me
What do I care
Why must I be perfect
Act perfect
Behave perfect
Im so angry
So incredibly pissed off right now
I honestly dont give a crap
About the world right now
Its preferences and rules
That state I cannot
Should not
And will not
Release this monster
Inside of me


Sorry if it's hard to read or if you can't read it at all. I liked that font and typed it in a word processor first. Looking back on what I'd written, I realized--or rather, remembered--that this mixed-up-ness and conflict of feelings and pain of being human was part of being human, at least in this world.

I'm just one of 7 billion of us, and we're all the same inside. Which means that everyone is just as messed up as I am. I think that acknowledging the angry, confused, distressed, torn side of me is a step toward knowing that there are others like me, although that is something I forget (I'm sure we all do).

I think understanding yourself brings you closer to understanding all humans.

You know, I am also a spoiled, selfish, ungrateful brat. (Random acknowledgement of faults)

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